To the Person I am becoming.

The person I am becoming is unspeakably grateful to the person I am right now going through the trials and tribulations of this present life. I am feeling that my contortions of growth, much like a chick before it’s actually hatched might actually help me become.. well, fluffy. I was pondering on relationships, romantic ones. I seem to have the other kind pretty well on point. But, romantic, intimate, monogamous, committed relationships with men, seem to give me pause.
Case in point, I was married, (I spelled it “marred”) for nearly 19 years. I married because I didn’t want to be alone and the man who was to become my husband showed me attention. He called, he showed up he made me feel wanted. Except when he got me, which is where everything went south. During the marriage, I thought that it was me and something was wrong with me. In truth, nothing was wrong, it was just my training. I was trained to put my needs ahead of everyone else and grow to be a bitter unhappy person. Except of course, I was happy with most of my life, except my marriage.
I needed to learn what healthy meant as it certainly wasn’t modeled to me.
Now as a single woman, I am practicing new ways of being in a healthy relationship. Except, I keep attracting something else. Good news here, as my friend gently put it, “you are seeing the red flags earlier and acting on them.” Oh goody! Like that helps. It’s true, I walk away much earlier, when before, I would have married the guy. So, there is a victory here. I am grateful to the girl I was. I am grateful for the woman who stares me in the face each morning. Even though, she is really wondering when she’ll experience the good stuff. So, to the person I am, thank you. And to the person I am becoming, Rock on Sister! Enjoy your present. I worked my ass off for it. Ciao Bella!