Tantrum

I’m having a bit of a breakdown. A client I have been working with revealed that her boyfriend of a year told her he loved her. She went on to say that she hasn’t heard a man tell her he loved her for over 5 years. I was thrilled for her as I’ve b

een with her since her down in the dumps days and through the bad apples in her life. I truly was happy for her.

The conversation in my head began with, “when was the last time I heard a man (I loved) tell ME he loved me?” UM..UH, oh hell…. It’s been a long time. The conversation continued until, I was having a major breakdown, still am. I haven’t heard “I love you” from a man since.. well, a long time. Over 5 years. I was with someone I loved, but he didn’t love me. Seems to be a theme in my life. The past four years I have been healing, changing my vibration, forgiving, clearing and anything else I can think of to bring to me my “enjoyable other.” Frankly, I’m quite sick of it. It seems hopeless, futile and downright effed up.

Tantrum time. I called a friend and vented. I may as well have thrown myself on the floor kicking and screaming. Maybe I will. It seems I give and give and am really ready to receive someone good in my life. Someone, loving and who shares his heart openly and receives the love I have and gives love to me.
I take advice from the so called “experts” read books that help me become a “Bitch” men will love. It’s become quite sad and comical at the same time. Do I really have to change the fundamental nature of who I am to have love in my life? I hope not.

I have been listening to some tele-seminars on how to call in the ONE, create a loving relationship and coming up with nothing. I read somewhere to make a demand of the Universe. I think I’ll try that. From the website http://www.accessyourconsciousness.com, here is my declaration.

“Universe! If there is someone 1000 times greater and more amazing than I could imagine, currently available to me, I FUCKING DEMAND OF MYSELF TO RECEIVE IT NOW! And I don’t CARE what my old limiting beliefs are, I’m having it NOW! I’m choosing way Fucking BEYOND my old reality!!! Not LATER, but NOW!!! Dammit, I’m FUCKING getting OVER THIS OLD SHIT!

Thank you for letting me vent. I’ll be back to my happy self after a nap, some chocolate and maybe a gallon of coffee.