Love Simply Is

I’ve been thinking a lot about a relationship I had. We broke up a year ago. I loved him and still do. Recently, he asked for a friendship. I declined. Part of me thinks that maybe that wasn’t loving. He hurt me, he abandoned me, insert whatever victim script you want here. I’ve played them all. A healer friend suggested that he loves me enough to want a friendship. I love myself enough to let myself heal first.
I wonder why I still feel so connected. I love him in spite of myself. I try to get angry with him and I succeed, but not for long. Lashing out and treating him poorly is something I cannot do. For right now, I love him and even if he’s not with me, giving me what I want, love simply exists. It exists for me too. It’s within me, loving myself through the pain, heartache and suffering. Love simply is even though my ego wants to push it away.
I can’t help but think that he plays an important role in my healing. Whether he becomes my lover again or not, he has provided me with experiences of love and for that, I’ll always be grateful. Love may not be simple, but love is.